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Sep 22, 2009, 09:56 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
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(((((Babysteps))))))) My heart, support and concern go out to you, my friend.
Yes life sometimes is one kick in the teeth after another. I have certainly experienced that over and over again through out my life and have felt as you describe. When the kicks and blows are coming too quickly it can be very overwhelming. I go numb like you. I think it's our minds and emotions protecting us and putting us on autopilot.
Please don't think things like you don't deserve our kindness.  You deserve it just as much as anyone. Your depression is making you feel unworthy. Your depression is lying to you. You have often made a difference in my day simply by your words or pretty pic you send me. Little things like that on bad days can mean so much.
This time will pass. It really will. Your personality may not change but every time I've gone through a bad time like you describe I have come out of it with more coping skills for when the next black time comes. You don't have to change. You are good, worthy and loveable just as you are.   
I spent many years hurting myself by going to stones for water. I am learning not to do that anymore. I am learning and realizing more and more that it's not ME (or YOU) that has the problem when other people act unloving, unsupportive or outright cruel. That is THEIR problem. Discard the "stones" in your life, or least stop trying or expecting them to give you water. Go to the people who flow with support, concern and love for you.
And take care of yourself. It's okay if you are quiet now while you heal. We will still be here for you when you are ready to come back. But please be gentle with yourself, don't expect too much of yourself during times like this. Treat yourself as you would a good friend who is going through what you are. You deserve it.
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