Hi Dazed and Confused,

I agree with SittingAtWatersEdge. I believe there is no right way to do therapy. What works for one person may not work for another. And there is some extent to which we each find our own way.

However, I expect it may be pretty common that clients do not have much eye contact initially when they are starting therapy. I think a lot of the topics people discuss in therapy tend to be difficult, and a way folks often cope with the uncomfortable feelings is by looking away when they are talking. If the topics people are discussing involve shame, grief, or sadness, I think it is even more likely they might look away. I suspect it is pretty common that therapists encourage clients to experiment with direct eye contact as therapy progresses. It can be hard work, but it can also be rewarding. I know this was something that came up for me, but my therapist did not work on this with me until we had been working together for some time and I had developed a good level of trust with him. Working on eye contact with him, even some short eye contact when I was doing hard work, was hard but good. He wanted me to see that he was still caring about me, and accepting of me, even though I was discussing very difficult things. If I hadn't been brave enough to look at him, I wouldn't have seen that. So as hard as it was, it was a good lesson for me. Every client and therapist are different, but I have a hunch that this often comes up in therapy.

Take care,
ErinBear