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Originally Posted by hangingon
My dad was also abusive and would make fun of me if I cried. So I often did it alone in my room. I think he got pleasure in making me cry, he often would provoke me to. That would frustrate me so much. I remember trying hard not to cry when he would hit me so as not to give him that satisfaction but then he would hit me harder until I cried.
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Yes, I experienced this too (mostly with my mother). I do cry with my T but it has been hard to get over the feeling that he will laugh at me, and I have found crying at times to be profoundly embarassing. I think I am over it mostly, with him. It is actually nice to know that on a gut level, I am not confusing my T with my mother; I am reacting to him as if he is who he is, not as if he is my mother, who would laugh at me or try to hurt me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
I KNOW I am being totally irrational and paranoid but for some reason I have this belief that if someone knows that they can upset, emotionally destabilize you, or and make you actually cry in front of them... that they then have some invisible power over you and they will use it maliciously! Writing it, it sound totally ridiculous
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Well, I guess I am ridiculous too.
I have thought these same things. For me, it stems from childhood, when if I did let certain people know how I was feeling, they would use that power over me. I did not imagine it. It becomes engrained. In therapy, I work with a T who is consistently not that way and has never abused his power. I like to think this is helping me get over that fear of letting others know how I feel.