(((((babysteps)))))

Your post expresses the anguish you are going through. You seem to think that you are worthless. This is not true. I don't think that all of us here on PC would be wrong about something like that, and we don't think your worthless. It sounds hard, but please treat yourself in the way that you would treat a friend or want a friend to treat themselves. I find when I am depressed I treat myself without any regard for what I would want my friends to do for themselves. Somehow I think it is okay for me to treat myself harsher than I would treat others. Please treat yourself extra gently right now. You deserve love and caring. The first person who can give it to you, and it is hard, is yourself. (and your dogs because they are with you too.)

Also I want you to know how much you mean to this community and to me. I'm not good at using PMs much and replying, but whenever I get one from you they always make me smile. I hope that you reach a point again where you are able to post and PM people. And please talk to your T about how you are feeling.