Thanks all. Wow for all of your amazing feedback.

I had a busy day after the appt and afterwards I came home briefly to pick up my 2 yo (h was watching her) and to post here

The appointment was about 1 hour and 10 minutes. I cannot believe she gave me that much time! I didnt feel like I was in a rush to get to everything. I had time. It was a relaxing feeling. She talked to me a lot about trauma and bpd and how my ED keeps me from my feelings. The reason I chose her was b/c she is specifically an ED therapist. She did talk to me about ED and trauma. She really seemed to know what she was talking about. She asked me if I had ever done any trauma work. I said no. I didnt mention any specific trauma.

There was one point where she said to me that I was getting overwhelmed. When she was explaining something to me I got this strange "spinning" feeling. And she seemed like she was far away or underwater. I didnt say anything about it, but it looked like she picked up on it. She seemed very "in tune" with me even though it was difficult for me to say everything.

I have to say, I thought Id go see the other 2 t's (one is the friend's t and the other is the vacation t) but I feel a little overwhelmed with what went on today and I dont know how well I can go into all of this again with another t. It isnt just like describing a story. It is hard. I didnt expect this to happen. I dont know if I can talk to anyone tomorrow. Especially knowing I like flat-tire t. I feel like Id be disloyal to flat tire and desk! What a nut I am! But the disloyal feelings isnt really the reason. Its more that this is hard work to go to therapy and talk- especially to someone I dont know.

So, I may cancel the other 2 ts and see flat tire t and see how it goes. I think this may be the best b/c it is really overwhelming to have to talk about my history and evaluate the t at the same time. I dont think I can do another one tomorrow. She suggested I notice during the day when I am dissociating and what triggers me and write it down. To keep a journal. I told her my t strongly discouraged me from journaling. She said it took me away from my family. Flat tire t said she felt the opposite from my t. I thought, thank God! Still, I found during the day that it is not easy at all to notice when I "check out" and to write down triggers. Things trigger and I react or shut down or dissoc or whatever. I am having a hard time "catching" it before or during. Flat tire t is making me work!

Sunrise- it was great to read your feedback about not being necessary to have a specific approach, but for her to be creative and experienced with trauma. She is all of those things. I think she is a strong choice, too.
Like SAWE said, I believe that my t, if I would see her again, would not be open to what I would say. As a matter of fact, I think Id leave there feeling worse. I dont know what she'd say, she'd try to be supportive and wish me all the best, but Id feel worse, I think. I dont have plans to go back, but I will see how I feel. Im not going to decide now.

Rainbow- I guess I forgot to mention it- but she seemed to know what she was talking about when it comes to what my ED does for me. For so long, I used this to help me cope with my feelings as a child. It is another method I used to "disappear." To do something with my feelings and protect myself. And I still do. It does a lot. She wants me to write down the feelings I have when I eat. Scary. I hope I can do this.

RiverX- I understand what you are saying, but I am looking for feedback. It helps me to make a decsion. Especially in an area others know more about than I do. In the end, the decision is mine