Only for this week.

Mixed feelings about it.
...relief that I don't have to go in this week--even though technically it's up to me if i want to go.i know i can stop anytime but i always start something and never finish anything, esp if things start to feel even the slightest bit overwhelming (guess that's avoidance) so i would hate myself if I just quit going. ..but I digress
...longing to sit on her couch--you know i always wanted to ask her if I am the only one who sits in the same spot every week. Do you think she'd let me play with the lanyard string (as a younger day camper i called it gimp) next week? Suppose I could ask...

and (ignore the slight rambles) it goes back and forth.

I figured for my break I would reevaluate what I want out of therapy. I feel like my depression has gotten better and my anxiety is ehhhh and of course my ED issues are still lingering, but I don't feel it's bad enough that it needs immediate attention...? Of course others might have a different opinion.
I feel like my relationships still suck and it's obviously because of me--it's like im here and everyone else is there (if that makes any sense).

I suck at making boundaries....I try and fail because I feel like that boundary is going to make someone leave me. She wanted me to practice with my (ex-ish)boyfriend and I attempted and failed because I didnt want him to get angry with me and leave me.

of course this is just a ramble. Just needed to get this out of my head. thanks for reading