My t thought the jounaling would take up too much time. She thought 15 minutes was too long. She asked me how long and where I am and where my kids are when I write. I told her they were busy in the house and I was spending no more than 15 min unless they were asleep. I never gave her the impression my journaling was obsessive or negative or ruminating. I was writing down things to talk about in therapy with her or thoughts I had after a session. And memories I had when I was having trouble remembering childhood details. That was it. And I continued to write even tho she told me not to. I did bring some of it in to work on so she knew I had continued to write. And she was open to hearing what I remembered. Mostly csa. The younger memories are fuzzier and I wrote down what I remembered.

I have something to write in it tonight, but I find it difficult to describe dissoc when it occurs. FT T described things that can be triggers- bigger things and small things like smells, feeling in a room, music, weather. Things that trigger trauma. I will get a new book tonight and begin my journal with this t (ft t- flat tire t).

I still dont know if I will leave a message tonight for friend's t to cancel or go to the appt and put my 2yo in school. I want to spend the day with her (my 2 yo) and I not sure I want to talk right now- I am stilll processing the things ft t told me. Maybe more input will confuse me.