the past six weeks, I have been on a complete downer....depression has kicked into high gear and im operating at about 40% capacity

the past couple visits with T haven't accomplished much, although both of us agree some "magical" change needs to occur in my world if I have any desire of getting better....

my psych put me on Abilify in addition to Celexa, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, and Walgreen's multi-vitamins and fish oil....love those fishy burps!

old T still haunts my world and is a constant thorn in my side...It doesnt help she had her picture plastered all over our local newspaper ( not going to dive into that little tidbit)

I serioulsy considered dragging my truck key across the side of her shiny Volvo V50 sports wagon when I left therapy on Monday....I saw her several times before and after my sessions and I think she purposely avoided me....

my wife has started back to college to obtain a health professions degree...she seems to enjoy it and I think she enjoys the social aspect of it...it's good for her to get away from the house and from our 4 year old for a few hours a week

I wish I could say our marriage is all good, but she is still angry for me because of my pornography use and sexual addiciton....

I spend a lot of time on Facebook which is good and bad....Ive connected with a few people from school days, but at the same time it makes me feel more depressed because all my life connections exist in the cyber world....

my diet lasted less than a day...I'll try again tomorrow, but cant make any guarantees

been lethargic and tired for most of the time....I feel broken down and lifeless

made friends with someone on Facebook, then she deleted me from her friends list, then found out she was a friend of old T ...I can only assume old T saw this and alerted her friend to my being a former client and somewhat unstable mentally...ok I made up the part about being unstable.....but seriously when are any of us truly stable?

red licorice is good to chew on....I bought a big bag at Walgreen's along with a 4.99$ truck/dinosaur contraption my son just had to have....brought back memories of going to the store when I was a youngster and always having mom buy me a Matchbox car/truck

just for kicks, I was going to go to old T's church and during a quiet time stand up and shout: "she is evil, she lied to me, she is a sinner!!!!!!".....then again I dont think doing time in the local slammer is worth the trade for such actions.......or is it?

Patrick Swayze will forever be one of my heroes....I was a child of the 80's and he was in many of the films that made my youth....Outsiders, Red Dawn, Youngblood, Dirty dancing, Roadhouse!!!!!!!!........Godspeed Darrell Curtis

today was the first day of autumn and I had the a/c at work crankin....it was so freakin humid.....

my cousin was in town a few weeks ago and asked me when my baby was due....I guess that means im fat....

how is everyone else doing?

is therapy helping you or are you like me, just providing your therapist with some much needed income....

gotta run kiddo's....time for bed....the one time of the day when Im somewhat at peace with myself....lying on the bed dreaming of a life I so very much want but that seems so out of grasp.....

peace everyone