ty otter

I think another major thing is, the conflicting things I"ve been taught, I grew up and still live in the bible belt of the sourth, where you are taught to reamin chaste until marriage, and that you should only enjoy sex or other sexual activities until then.

even though my upbringing in my home was diffrent, that you don't have to wait, and to practice safe sex and make good decsions, that sexuality isn't wrong, it's just our nature, somce people are more sexual than others,

Being I grew up with those constnat conflicting messages, and I was sexually abused as a child, sometimes I feel really bad for being a sexual person, I Feel guilt and shame for enjoying something I've been taught I shouldn't and that has been used to harm me in the past, I'm a very sexual person, and I feel shame for it, for no reason it's just how I"m wiried, and even while I tell myself thaht, and I've worked thru a lot of the guilt attached to it, I sitll get these litlte twinges of gilt that tail spin me into depression for a day or a few weeks.

I've never had sex, I'm still a virgin, so I worry when I decide to make that decsion to have actual intercourse, my guilt will increase, and send me int a major depressive epsidoe, I can't quite figuure out how to shake the guilt and shame, I Feel bad for enjoying myself, sometime and most times I can shake it off and the dpression only last a few hours to a a full day.

I hate feeling this way though, it aggrivates me and upsets me, I feel I should be able to enjoy myself, but I don't know quite how to ditch the guilt involved in my brain.