T&C: I do after all don't I? I don't know if I'll get family support like I want they're all for getting me to move eventually but they're relying on me for finances right now. I won't be able to set any money to the side for a long time so it's scary for me. But the mental health community isn't just behind me but are also taking the lead. I just hope they don't say that depression isn't bad enough for them to continue to help. Or maybe after talking to my T they might not want to help. I have so many disquieting thoughts but I keep putting the what ifs into a box. I'll pull them out when I get closer to the end results and keep on trying to set goals.

Tishie: I'm right with you on that statement about not liking change. The whole experience happening in one day was almost too much, I don't know how I stayed grounded I guess really I didn't totally since on the drive home I let myself sink into darkness and emptiness. It wasn't till today that I processed all of the new information that came in and looking on it like a movie or reading a book it wasn't so overwhelming that way. I hope that when change comes to your life you can view it in a way that makes it not so scary for you.

The ultimate goal is to live independently on my own without having to depend on my parents for everything like I do now. It's too scary to think of it like that so I've broken it down to a few goals to try to reach before I can move out. With my plan I'm kinda hoping it'll take 2 years to do. It'll give me time enough to adjust to each thing as they come. I've never had direction in my life so this is all new and scary for me.

Besides staying in counseling (whether it's with my current T or my old T or a whole different T I don't function without guidance) my first goal is my own transportation. Mom and dad let me use the vehicles but if I move out their insurance won't cover me so I can't drive if I leave home. I live very far from the city so I need a way to get there for groceries and counseling.

I have other goals too but that's the big one that I need before I can consider moving. Once I get that I need a reliable steady income that will take care of all of my bills, insurance for car, food, housing, utilities, internet (got to feed my addiction y'know!), stuff to cook with, housekeeping stuffs, personal items, etc.

There's so many other things that I can work on till those two major ones are reached though like being more responsible about the upkeep of my room, work on organizational skills, time management, overcoming my fear of phones, learn to complete tasks, and stress management to name a few.