I hadn't thought about it in a long, long time.. I thought I was over it, since the last couple of times I talked about it, I felt fine. I've been through this in therapy - over and over again I've processed the past. I thought my skin had grown thick, that my memories could no longer touch me.

All the sudden things are coming back. Just last night, it started coming back, like a huge flood. Why? Where did this come from? The guilt, the sadness... Wondering if I shouldn't have reported him, if what he did wasn't "really that bad." Maybe it wasn't. It wasn't extreme, like others have experienced. Just shameful. All these thoughts, like I could have been strong enough to handle it on my own, and then there wouldn't be this mess. If I had just told him no. Feeling guilty that it tore my family apart. Feeling guilty that I haven't spoken to my grandma in years because of what he did. She is not to blame, but I can't speak to her.

And the other things, too, because he is not the only one who wronged me this way. Those things, too, coming back up. Like vomit rising, a flood in my brain. And then, "Why are you so upset? Other people have been through so much worse. Get over yourself."

I'm supposed to be working right now but I can't focus at all. I thought I was over this.