I saw T yesterday. I've been really really switchy in session ever since we started talking about integration. It's like just talking about it has stirred everything up, and it sucks, and I HATE IT.

I "lost" most of my session to another part. It was my last session before T's vacation. I wanted MORE THAN ANYTHING to stay present, and grown up, and to connect with T before he left. I hate how things are going right now. I'm sure it's part of the "process" but I don't understand what the process IS and when I ask T about it, he says "you're doing it".

Now T is going to be gone, and I'm going to be left with this sad, sad, sad feeling. He'll be back next Thursday and I see him then, and won't have any way to contact him in the middle. I don't want to FEEL like this.

Ugh, I feel overwhelmed and sad and crazy and alone and confused