Stumpy...

maybe i need to use the time while T is gone to think about the whole integration vs. non-integration thing. i really THOUGHT that what i wanted was integration...i think in reality what i want is for this never to have happened...to have not been in circumstances that forced me to create this "system". maybe I CAN just kind of co-exist with them. i guess what got me thinking so much about integration was (and is) the frustration of losing so much time. it scares me - and i feel like i won't remember my kids' childhoods. i guess if there was some way i could let all of the parts just kind of be "there" but not lose time, that would be okay...i just don't know how to get there from here, or if it's even possible