Hello jexa,
Sorry that you are having a hard time. We think we have it under control and put away, but it is not that easy to do. Something will start the memories again. The guilt, the sadness and the pain come flying back. Try not to worry about should i have done this or that. I know you want to blame yourself for everything, but you are the survivior here. They had the control, not you. I do understand why you are having problems like with grandma.

Others do not know how you feel or how what happened changed your life, so that is why they can say it is so easy to get past this. The same event usually does cause different individuals not to react the same. If others expect us all to do the same thing they are wrong. Not going to happen. If you need anything please let me know.