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Naturefreak · Sep 23, 2009, 12:45 PM

My father and I have never been close . He never did anything with me as a child . He replaced his time with gifts . He actually spoiled us when it came to that. We never talked much and still don't to this day . When I got diagnosed with major depression I had to take some time off work . I tried going back a few times but just could not function . So my doctor and pdoc made up some paperwork and put me on short term disability . I was prescribed Paxil at the time and had , what they described as " a manic episode". I spent over 18 thousand dollars in a few months on gambling , drinking , bars , strip clubs , etc. I had my one and only suicide attempt during that time where I popped a dozen or so pills along with alcohol. I called my stepmother that night and told her what I had done and she told me to call 911 , so I did . I was hospitalized for a week or so and was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Now I was 25 thousand dollars in the hole , broke , with no job but I was getting disability payments from my job where I worked for 18 years . My stepmother suggested it would be good for me to get away and go and live with her and Dad for a while till I got back on my feet . When I got home I was in bad shape and they hospitalized me for a couple weeks and then released me. A few months passed and I wasn't getting any better so I applied for long term disability and was accepted . My stepmother did all the paperwork and calling around for me as I could not function . She also got me to file for personal bankruptcy and I'm over that now , just don't have any credit.
She passed away about two years ago with cancer . We were very close and she asked if she could be buried with an angel ornament I had bought her one Christmas. She only lasted a couple of months after being diagnosed. It was very hard on both me and my Dad .
There was one night where I was in one of my downers where I slept for a few days without eating . My father was upstairs having a few drinks and was yelling "he's nuts , he's dangerous " while pounding his feet on the floor. I ran up from the basement and was trembling and crying uncontrollably and yelled , "how can you say those things , I am not nuts , I am not dangerous ." My stepmother comforted me and said she was proud of me for standing up for myself . My father denied ever saying such things .
She had to give up her yorkie , who she loved dearly , because my father said the barking was getting on his nerves. She always described my father as being a ME person . The world revolved around him and everything had to go his way. She threatened to leave him a few times because he yelled at her while drinking and he always used the crying technique and she gave in every time.
He wasn't violent , just nasty with his words.
For the past two years I have been buying all the groceries , cooking the meals , laundry , cleaning , yardwork , looking after three dogs , two of which were my stepmother's which I had promised her I would look after them when she passed on , paying 500 dollars rent per month for a one room basement apartment,
driving him around to all his appointments , etc. He was in the hospital for two months for an operation and I drove 10 miles everyday to visit him and stay with him for a couple of hours.
I was really worried about him and was in bad shape at the time also. Through ALL of this he never ONCE said thank you . He goes around humming this song a lot , leaving out the first four words.
hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm, have you any wool , yes sir , yes sir , three bags full . I am not stupid .
Anyway , what triggered me was ,the other day he received a phone call from a lady who was told about him by another lady that worked in a restaurant he and my stepmother visited regularly.
He talked about HIMSELF for over an hour on the speaker phone because of his bad hearing. I was in a trance , I couldn't think properly . He was all excited that this lady he never even met before called him and he NEVER talks to me that way or anyone else for that matter. Here I am , mr . nice guy , looking for a date for a few months with no luck at all and a lady drops into his lap by word of mouth . If this is God's doing , he see's something I do not .
Am I jealous ? I don't know. We never celebrated Christmas last year due to my stepmother's passing . He said he wanted nothing to do with Christmas. This year he said the same thing , I don't want anything to do with Christmas . Now that he got this phone call he said , we might celebrate Christmas after all . I spent the last two days in bed and he never checked on me ONCE to see if I was OK.
I could rot down there for a week and he wouldn't even realize I was gone. I don't hate him , I just dislike the way he treats me.
On top of all that my dog is now throwing up and has mucous in his stool . I took him to the vet's which is just down the street and almost passed out because I haven't eaten in two days. I have been drinking water though. Sorry for the long story , but that is just the half of it . Thanks for listening .