Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
Here is a problem that I am working on (and having a fair amount of trouble with):
When my T wants (as he does) to stop me talking about some things (let's say expressing the "wrong" things), how is he different, and how is he the same, as my mother?
How does my T's (and it's not just his) need to control things manifest itself? By talking, instead of listening. Commenting on what I have to say. Objecting that there is some better way of my coping. Instead of listening to what I am saying or doing, trying to get me to do what I should be saying or doing.
All therapists that I know of want to "correct" their patients, want to make them "well". I know none who are willing to let their patients be "wrong" -- even temporarily. (And I am talking about being really wrong!) How many are willing to deal with their patients or clients without wanting to "change" them? After all, isn't that what therapists are supposed to do, "change" their clients?
Isn't that what much of the impulse to medicate comes from: it is, of course, only for the good of the patient. Isn't it? After all, all we are trying to do is "help", isn't it?
So, it seems to me that the impulse to "correct" or "control" is the same in my T (and, I think, in many, if not almost all) as with my mother. How are they different? I have a hard, hard time figuring this. Maybe it was just that my mother's need to control led to a more, shall we say, "active" form of control than my therapist's? Maybe my T will not try to control things to the same extent as my dear mother did.
How can I be sure, if the impulse is there?
In spite of what I imagine many of you responding, I don't think this is a problem confined to my particular T.
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i feel like this may be a function of the type of therapy you are receiving, but i could be way off. some forms of therapy involve you talking things out and leading the therapist down the paths you travel and then (hopefully) you and the therapist working together can get you on the "right path" - whatever that is for you. other forms involve confronting you on the "wrong" thoughts and ideas repeatedly, because repetition is a killer way to remember something.
as to the question of how your therapist is different from your mother....who's to say he IS different from your mother? after all, you chose this person to work though issues. and we frequently choose therapists who are similar to one or both of our parents without even knowing that we're doing so. the only differences may be genetic for you.
as for the therapist's need to control. well, the therapist has to control the session. you and the therapist should collaborate to decide treatment goals and issues you wish to work on, but its up to the therapist to maintain the structure. the therapist should have a plan, a flexible plan, but a plan nonetheless. youre going to this person as an expert right? dont you think it might be a waste of your time and money to go in and just ramble on and on and on ad infinitum? i mean, you could do that in a room by yourself! and either way, its likely that nothing would get solved.
so, i guess my question for you is, what do you wish to get from treatment?