Quote:
Originally Posted by pachy
This in itself is not necessarily threatening. Maybe you can understand where I am "coming from" if I tell you that at times she would tell us that she would "break" us, or "break our spirits" -- and that I felt as a child -- and well into adulthood -- that she had succeeded. She would "show us no mercy" -- things like that, accompanied by "considerable" physical force and an ability to act outside of the family, when others were present, in such a way as to deny and hide what was happening inside the family. And those outsiders always, as far as I could tell, were deluded by her, or took her side, or did not want to hear about it.
So I tend to react strongly and swiftly to things that, if I were able to react more slowly, I might be able to handle better... But then, in our family, I guess I learned that if you did not react instantly, you were dead.
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First dear Pachy, Im so sorry you had to go through what you did as a child. You did not deserve such treatment and to be in such a scary situation. My mother was very much the same. You had to react fast and without feeling or you were dead meat. Hiding was the usual thing I did. I ran and hid. She was in control.
I have to say, having (possibly) the same dynamic as you, I also chose a controlling therapist. You know the story with my t, and what she does is steer me clear of the place I NEED to go. I see that now. But, maybe, as Dr Muffin said, your t should be in control so you dont ramble on. But, if it really is the case, as it has been with my t, that she is excessively controlling to the point where it interferes with your work there then it IS a problem. My t has commented on what I am saying to get me to stop saying confrontational things to her and she keeps talking as I am trying to get words out, not listening but instead shaming me for what I am saying so I quickly stop, etc. All of these things can be said to be for the "good" of the patient, but only you know when you are being controlled and when your t may just be trying to get you to see things her way.
As for medication- this is the one good thing my t suggested. I do feel better on lexipro. I never would have weaned my 2 yo to start meds. She encouraged me there and I do feel better. Though sometimes I did feel like she dismissed my /tears as a chemical imbalance.
And anyway, whether it is different from your mother or not I would say isnt really the issue. The issue is really that it FEELS that way. My t feels that way too. There are probably huge differences between my mother and my t's controlling-ness, but with my history, I only see the similarities and the awful way she makes me feel.