I have been trying to get myself out into the community, do things I enjoy, and keep myself busy for a long time. I have failed miserably. I have been trying to get myself to go to an art class that I really want to go to and have been to before. It has been 3 weeks, and every week I haven't been able to get myself to go. one week, I was worried about my heart. and that what if something bad happened while I was there. This week I drove all the way there and turned around because I forgot to check something at my house, that I already checked, that doesn't need to be checked in the first place. But it bothered me so much and I kept thinking about my death if I didn't check it, so I went back home. I don't want to walk in late so I ended up not going back.

I am on medication, I am in therapy, but I think I should print this out and show it to my therapist. I feel like I am in hell. I just wish I had a busy fulfilling life but I'm being held back.

to top things off, I am dating someone who has a completely normal life and I feel uncomfortable telling him these things and also compare myself to him. It sucks.

advice, support appreciated.