Hi, Berries! Always a pleasure to meet you at the forum

Here's how I theoretically see things ("theoretically" because usually my mind tells me one thing and my emotions another...): You are the employer; the therapist is your employee. The therapist is there to provide a service to you. You are the authority figure. Your "I am so sick of" list (great list, by the way) is what he needs to be thinking about and helping you with. That is the formal reality of the situation.

The emotional reality of the situation may conflict with the formal reality; it certainly does in my own case. Emotionally I approach the therapist (in my case a pdoc; ain't got no T) as the authority figure. I am inclined to want to please and obey him. That I, the employer, want to please and obey my employee is ipso facto proof of my dysfunction. Playing this subservient role actually undermines the therapeutic relationship - it distracts and deters me from revealing things the therapist should know in order to effectively work with me.

If I were you, and could muster the courage, I would take my "I am so sick of" list and plunk it down in front of T, saying "these are the things we need to work on." At the very least, I'd take #2, "Worrying if I am mentally ill or not," and, in the first three minutes of the session, lay out for this fellow just how much of a monster this has become. I (Berries) wouldn't mind if I came across as desperate because I am desperate and don't want him to miss the message.

*It's so easy to tell someone else to be courageous when there's no guarantee I would be...*
Your desire to be yourself with the T is entirely legitimate. You should expect to be accepted for who you are where you are. The point is your list, making life more bearable for you. You deserve it. You're employing him (through insurance or whatever) to that end.

Thanks, Berries, for allowing me to talk to myself while ostensibly talking to you. I hope you have a productive, encouraging session.