Thanks Miss C and Echoes. I think I have overestimated what I can do- at least emotionally. I deny how fragile I feel and just wish I was stronger so I attempt to tackle a lot. And then I cant. I should have known my limitations with this. I feel badly about cancelling on my friends t at the last minute. And I have a feeling I will cancel vacation t on monday. It is scary trusting my own knowing. If I had, I would not have made all these appts. It takes silence and listening to myself to trust my knowing. Id like to get to know that place better.

Youre right- I felt good with ftt- she was real good and knew what she was talking about. And she heard me and knew when I was overwhelmed even when I didnt.

I journaled a little bit tonight and I wrote down some things I would want from my therapy with her. Gentleness, to be heard, and I want to talk about how I handle talking about thngs that are hard for me. There is a thread somewhere here about creating a safe space in therapy. I like this room and I like ftt. I feel safe there, but it doesnt yet have that "therapy space" feel for me. I would like this space, with ftt, to be a safe place for me.