Well, if I don't have a safe space in therapy, part of that is me. I don't have a safe space anywhere, really.

You know, those people tell you to "imagine a safe place" and it is always something like a nice sunny day at the beach -- as though physical surroundings are what make places safe or not. I can never imagine a safe place of that kind.

My T frequently tells me it is safe. I feel I don't get to discover if it is or not on my own -- I feel pressured to agree with him that it is safe, even when I do not know if it is or not. I do not trust words; I want to see actions. I want to see somebody doing something that tells me that it is safe, not only with words.

I once had a cat given to me for safekeeping, by a person who was becoming homeless. This cat was very frightened, and it took me months before she slowly began to trust me. Eventually she came to believe that she could even get up on the bed with me and sleep at night. I never tried to force her into anything. I did not tell her "everything is OK". I let her know by my actions so she could decide that it was. Unfortunately I probably betrayed her trust when I gave her back to her original owner; I thought that was a reasonable thing to do (her owner was not an abusive person and had gotten a home) but I suspect that cat never forgave me. I am sorry, cat.