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Sep 23, 2009, 07:44 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: So Cal
Posts: 3,342
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This is a very good list Berries!!! God work on that. 
I know it sucks and it's very difficult when you feel like you need to put on a happy face for people because you don't want to drag them down.
First thing though....your T sounds like he's a pretty good T. This is what he has chosen for his life's work. This is what he does to fulfill his purpose in this life, at this time. If you cancel your session, or you go in and be anything more than your true self, you are robbing T of the chance to fulfill his purpose to be the best T he can for you. You're not giving him the opportunity to do what he is there to do....which is help you makes sense of you when you can't find the sense that is there.
Furthermore....people who aren't mentally ill...do not ruminate over whether they are mentally ill or not. They do not write out lists like the one you have just written. In challenging your own illnesses, you are consistently invalidating and judging your feelings and emotions. I know that I do this at times and most often it is cause I feel I have no right to feel like I feel and that I should just get over it...so I invalidate myself to try and prove my own point.....or I'm just in denial.
It never works out...just wastes the little energy I have left. 
Berries....you are depressed. It sucks!!! It's okay to be depressed and it's okay to validate those feelings and have compassion and empathy for yourself.
Go to therapy.
Love....
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