Hi Zen,
I think its best to remove people from your life who are therapists. because they will always look at your from that lens.
Many of us need to get away from our labels or other peoples labels
By not sharing about our past or our problems with new friends you meet you can prevent this from happening.
I would recomend you let go of your brother .
write that apology note and tuck it away . don;t send it.
Do not focus on him AT all. Don't find out anything about his life . That way you will not compare or feel bad.
you can make the changes you need to make with out him .
and he doesn't ever have to know about your changes.
If he feels at peace when your not around.
( and by golly thats a very cruel thing to say to you.)
then let him have total peace .. as in
do not contact him and hold the fort if he tries to even contact you.
never let him see you suffer ..
close the door on him forgive him .. but close the door .
you don't need people labeling you or psycoanalizing you .
I've met some who have and though there is a draw it only will end up in you getting severly hurt. many will try to fix you but have no intentions o haveing a real relationship with you.
Be very careful. about what you share to whom .
Quote:
Lastest news on my brother is that he has a new gf what else is new he always has a gf. When he has a gf his whole world revolves around her (her needs/wants) and family comes a distant second or last on his list of imporant ppl in his life.
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So if I were to compose an e-mail to my brother who is 35 years old, what exactly would I say to him that would "get through to him" and not cause him to reply with hurtful and angry comments?  
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what is it you want from him Zen?
It doesn;t sound like he wants to help you..
I wish you the best with your list. Mines very much like yours .
I have men intresed in me ..I just can;t get my place cleaned up.
very frustrating ..
ADHD thing,,,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen888
I debated Monday sending my brother an e-mail to say thank-you and I am sorry for things that have happened in the past. I had all sort of things I wanted to say. All of them sounded good. But my brother is narrow minded and works with the mentally ill and ppl that are addicted to drugs and alcohol. He is not a doctor he is just a therapist (not a psychologist). He thinks he knows everything about me ... about my mental illness... even tried to diagnose me with borderline personality disorder...I went right away to my doctor and asked him to be totally honest with me and not sugar coat things with me and he said that parts of my bipolar 1 disorder affect my personality and they way in interact with my environment and ppl.
My brother has said the following things in past e-mail in addition to diagnosing me with various disorders:
> he doesn't desire my company
> he feels at peace when he isn't around me or doesn't have to communicate with me
> he doesn't share the same level of affection or love that I have for him
> he wants distance from me
In addition, he cannot get over things I said to him when I was very ill like saying I tried to kill myself because of him. I have apologized and explained myself till I am blue in the face.
Lastest news on my brother is that he has a new gf what else is new he always has a gf. When he has a gf his whole world revolves around her (her needs/wants) and family comes a distant second or last on his list of imporant ppl in his life.
___________________
So if I were to compose an e-mail to my brother who is 35 years old, what exactly would I say to him that would "get through to him" and not cause him to reply with hurtful and angry comments? |