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Elysium · Sep 23, 2009, 09:56 PM

In 2000 I started my two year program for Nursing. I graduated with Honors in 2002. It took me three years (at my pace) to complete the pre-reqs for it.

I worked full-time through Nursing school...not married, no kids, but it still was really difficult. I was at the Hospital everyday except every other Saturday and Sunday either for work or school. As much as I look back fondly on Nursing school, it was Hell!! Crying all the time...fighting with family because they couldn't understand the stress and pressure...no sleep...didn't eat right...no social life...no support. I don't know if I could convince myself to go through it all again.

Because I wanted the best education, I always chose the most difficult instructors...and they came through. Being one of the stronger students and having more medical experience in my background than most, they held me, and others like myself, to higher standards and demanded more from us.

I hadn't been officially diagnosed with the CPTSD or the DID. I knew I was depressed...but didn't realize how bad. I always had this dream and desire to finish Nursing and get my Masters/PhD...and that was the original plan. But after graduating with my RN...I just stalled. I was so warn out and so totally fubard mentally and emotionally.

Now...it's 7 years later and I still have never returned to school. I've gone through periods where I wanted to leave the Nursing profession, I've gone through periods where I wanted to go back to school for Social Work or Psychology, I've registered for Pre-med classes because I thought I'd like to be a forensic pathologist.

For one reason or another....I'm just stuck. I am so scared to return to school!!

I would still have to work full-time to pay my bills, even with financial aid. I'm scared I won't be able to do it and it will be Hell like the Nursing program and I will fail and look like an idiot that can't do anything. And...I can't figure out what to go back for. Everytime I have my mind made up and it comes time to head back to school...I just don't. There's no drive...

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just find what is right for me and go for it. Why do I have to be so scared with all this anxiety and fear.

I feel like I'm the only one that is experiencing this, even though I know that's not very realistic.

I really like school a lot...I'm just scared that the instructors will put the bar to high and I won't be able to reach it and I'll disappoint them and myself. And I don't have anyone for moral support.

Anyone with words of wisdom or support?