This topic makes me really anxious, but I need to face it and I thought I will start here, even if I don't know what to say, exactly.

I have been disabled in my life, at least that is my judgement of it, but I have always had enough money independently, (like my mother supporting me) that I never had to deal with the state or Federal Government, and for that reason also, I have not worked in many years. It's been hard enough to raise my kids.

I used to be a RN and I loved nursing, but I never worked enough years and hours to really pay anything into SS. Then I got sick, and after I moved out of Manhatten and healed in a new place that I now call home, Eugene, OR, I went back to school and got a MA in Counseling psychology. But then I was sick on and off and had kids and never worked full time again. But now it is about overdue that I do, and I need to and I am totally scared and don't even know how to begin. I would love to do nursing but would have to get my license back because I never worked enough hours in Oregon.

My real problems are now total anxiety, not knowing how to go about any of this, and not feeling well a lot, and insomnia, and fatigue and no endurance. I have pretty much recovered from major depression and PTSD.

Formal diagnosis that apply and are related: Diabetes type 1 which I have had most of my life and that has taken it's toll. Like, my kidneys are getting progressively worse, also high BP and cholesterol and I take a truckload of medications every day, also thyroid, which quit on me after I had my first child, then psychiatric stuff, and the latest cancer and chemo, radiation, the hormone treatments are horrible and have caused my femur to start dying and you know, 1000 things.

like, even now i am totally exhausted just writing this. thanks for listening, Katrin