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Originally Posted by SpottedOwl
(((pachy)))
I've been thinking about your posts. Nothing 'traditional' seems to be the solution, so I'm going to throw out a few ideas I had.
Idea #1:
...what would the world look like if YOU had control. No one was trying to control you. What would you do? How would that feel? If you can, spend some time with the details. It could be something as simple as imagining going to an ice cream store and being able to eat/order whatever you wanted...how would that feel.
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At the moment I am trying to lose weight, so I would not eat any ice cream!
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Remind yourself this is a world where no one is going to harm you for making a choice.
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Sorry, I think this is, without further elaboration,
extremely naíve.
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Idea #2:
I read once that we only really have one relationship in our lives. That relationship is with ourselves. How we view ourselves is mirrored in the relationships we have in our lives. If we love ourselves, we will likely have many loving relationships. If we don't like ourselves and are judgmental, we will often see that in the external relationships of our lives.
I know you've spent a lot of energy and time on your relationship with your mother, but how much time have you spent on your relationship with you? Do you like yourself? Do you trust yourself to make good decisions?
*If* you subscribe to this idea...it can be quite powerful. Just by changing how you feel about yourself, it can literally change every relationship in your life. As I have been working on my own healing, I can see relationships in my life changing. My family used to be a constant source of stress, but now the conversations have changed and I can speak to them without it negatively impacting my day. I know none of them are doing therapy...so it must be ME that changed, and as a result how they treat me has changed.
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I do not find it particularly easy to "just change how I feel about myself". I was not taught to value myself, and it has been quite hard to attain any of that feeling over the years. When I value myself, I turn out to be rather different than most people, I think, and that makes it hard to live sometimes.
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please accept my warm wishes for you...whatever you decide to do.
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I do accept your wishes and feel that you honestly do wish me well. In spite of what you may feel after my responses!
And I think you are one of the healthier people around (but there are quite a few of them here also)!