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Sep 24, 2009, 07:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by exoticflower
I am glad you got in to see your T tonight. I think sometimes especially trauma victims, it is hard to actually know if we feel relaxed or if we don't feel anything. Sometimes feeling nothing is actually dissociation, a numbed out thing. If you are feeling spacey, make sure you tell your T right then, they can help you with that. :-)
Exotic, that's it exactly - on Monday night, I thought I was relaxed, but I was actually really spacey and dissociated, looking back on it. I told T that I was feeling spacey, I'll have to ask her if she thinks I was dissociating. Last night, she made sure to ground me at the end by really reinforcing my safe place with the EMDR, and we strengthened it based on our discussion, added some more 'safe' factors to it.
The first time I did EMDR I didn't feel anything till later that night ( I was too uptight and nervous the first time). I had to come in the next morning for an emergency appointment, my husband actually called my T because I had some extreme flashbacks that night.
Now that you are more relaxed and confident you can handle what come up, I think it seems like this will work well for you. I am excited for you.
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 Exotic Those flashbacks must've been horrible. I didn't have any flashbacks, but did these new emotions ever overwhelm me, and not until the next day! And then I thought they'd go away, but they didn't - that's when I knew I needed to call my T. And she told me that she was glad that I called her, and to call again if I need her. 
I slept for about 5 hours and then woke up for at least an hour, then finally fell back asleep. I'm feeling tired today, but so much better emotionally than yesterday!  I really can't believe the difference.
I think the EMDR was different for me yesterday, partly because I knew what to expect, and partly because I had hit bottom, I had nothing to fear and nothing to lose by giving myself over to the process. T wisely pointed out that she had sensed on Monday that I got overwhelmed by my emotions and the EMDR, she wondered if it was because I wanted to do a good job or I wanted to please her - I told her it was both, and I just wasn't sure if I was doing it right. T said there is no right or wrong way to do it. But yesterday, wow, the emotions came so much easier. And I didn't even focus on keeping an image in my head so much, but other images still came to me in between sets - it was really quite remarkable. I only went from a 10 to a 6 on the negative cognition scale, but obviously we're going to work on it more at my next double session in a week and a half, and T did work on starting to instill the positive cognition, so that's good.
I'll keep you updated on the progress! Thanks, everyone!  
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