Quote:
Originally Posted by pachyderm
I used to (and still do in times of stress and failure) HATE my mother for what she did. But now I am really beginning to see that she was very unstable -- "borderline" if you will. It is quite an education to see reasons for what people do, within a society that has so much condemnation instead of comprehension. That is another thing that I feel sets me apart from most of the rest of society, and for which at times I feel very afraid and alone.
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pachy, anger is warranted.
looking back at the whole picture and realizing that your mother was clearly unstable and dealing with her own issues is fine. understanding that she may not have meant to harm you is fine. imagining that maybe she's not a horrible person and if she had gotten help and been well she had the potential to be a great mother is fine.
but the reality is, you were harmed. the person that was supposed to love and protect you did number on you, and anger is warranted. you had to figure out ways to protect yourself, which a kid should never have to do, and anger is certainly warranted. understanding why is not meant to eclipse fact...its meant to create context. i am of the mind (and others may disagree) that intention is irrelevant. whether someone's intent is to harm you or not, if in fact you were harmed, then they are at fault. intentions (or lack thereof) dont erase the consequences of their actions.
but i digress....