I hate depression and all the other mental illnesses I have. Life seems so hard sometimes. I just want to cry. I don't knoww hat to do.

1. my dad - hate him for abusing me and letting other people abuse me but yet I don't want to see him die - he has a bad infection in his blood, not sure if they got it quick enough.

2. husband - meeting with pastor last nigh. my husband and I both. Why does it feel like I have so much to change. He doesn't have anything to work on. Is our marriage really just my fault. Why can't my life just be normal.

3. A good friend - well I thought she was a good friend of mine. I hate her...she has overstepped her bounds and she has no regret, no sense of how much I am hurting and doesn't really care. The relationship ship is not working and is dead in of itself.

I know I am rambling but these are my feelings along with just not wanting to deal with it all, wanting to run away, feeling very impulsive, I need to drink, cut...something. I would say what I really want to do but most people battling depression knows what that is.

I've said to much already. I will probably get in trouble for speaking/typing my mind.