Hello, Tryingtobeme!
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Originally Posted by tryingtobeme
I hate depression and all the other mental illnesses I have.
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Me too - for you, for me and for us all.
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Originally Posted by tryingtobeme
I just want to cry.
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Nothing wrong with crying; are you able to cry? It might do you some short-term good.
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Originally Posted by tryingtobeme
my dad - hate him for abusing me and letting other people abuse me but yet I don't want to see him die...
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Personal Opinion: You are free to both hate him for the abuse and simultaneously be concerned for his life. So what if these are conflicting feelings - people are complex; be kind to yourself for harboring this contradiction.
Marital Counseling: Depression and other illnesses diminish your capacity for change, certainly for rapid change. Does your pastor/counselor appreciate this? Doesn't your husband recognize or feel a need to accommodate your conditions? I would hope the willingness to accommodate would be at least as great as the willingness to attempt change.
Dying/Dead Friendship: Personal Opinion: Now is the time to "clear for action" on the self-care front. Facing deep distress demand you let all but the most essential burdens in your life sink to the bottom of the priority pile. Your safety comes FIRST.
All the above is selfishly offered to the end that Tryingtobeme be safe and happy enough to continue to participate in these forums.
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My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.