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lynn09 · Sep 24, 2009, 03:03 PM

First, lots of hugs for you ((((((((((Zen888)))))))))). I have an older brother who is very similar to yours - has said things like, "We're doing you a favor by even associating with you at all." He also thinks he knows everything and is more qualified than any of my medical/mental doctors to evaluate, diagnose, and prescribe treatment for me - he constantly brags, "I diagnosed myself with depression." He takes psych meds for his depression, and claims that his depression is of a better quality than mine since his is due to a brain-chemistry imbalance, whereas my depression is a character flaw.

Zen888, my brother and yours have their own mental problems as evidenced by their complete lack of empathy, compassion, patience, and acceptance. You must not allow your brother to make his problems yours. He treats you according to who HE is - not who you are - he just uses your problems as a means of excusing his misbehavior - a means of justifying mistreating you. Like you, I have tried for years to get through to my brother - but now I realize that that simply is not possible - he is never going to change his attitudes or behavior towards me because it does not benefit him to do so - he would lose his excuse for being abusive towards me.

And, yes, Zen - your brother is psychologically and verbally ABUSING you. This is the very last thing you need - clearly your brother's abuse has only served to do damage to you and to make your problems that much worse. Stop worrying about how he feels about you - just because he is incapable of loving you, that does not mean that you are unloveable - which is exactly what he wants you and others to believe to justify his inability to truly love anyone. You need to focus entirely on yourself - put all of your energy into getting the appropriate treatment you need. Stressing over your brother's behavior is going to impact your body chemistry which will also impact the effectiveness of your medications. Getting involved in a job or activity, especially where you are helping others, will provide you with more positive surroundings and input from other people. Take your time, though. Concentrate first on getting yourself stabilized - talk to your T and/or pdoc about the situation - perhaps your meds can be adjusted until the stress from this situation begins to abate.

As for the holidays, I had to do the very same thing that has been suggested by others here - I had to create my own good memories by celebrating holidays the way I wanted to experience them - why should I (our you, or anyone else) allow other people to take such things away from me for their own twisted and perverse satisfaction? I don't care if no one invites me to join them - I invite others to join me and they are welcome to join me as long as they leave their drama at home. If no one else comes, that's just fine - I still celebrate with myself and my pets. Please keep posting and letting us know what is going on and how you are feeling.