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Sep 24, 2009, 10:11 PM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen888
How do I let go of my brother and hopes that he will have a change of heart when I know he will not?
If you go to www.youtube.com and search this video: "The Last Song" by Elton John...it makes me cry because this is how I felt everytime my brother would come and visit me while I was hospitalized. Even though as the lyrics in the song say "talk about things that were never spoken" or something like that...this never happened with us. I always saw my brother as being both my dad and my brother at the same time. This is why it is so freaking hard to adjust to not having my brother/dad in my life anymore.    |
   I know that it is hard and so painful, but you have to accept the situation as it is. Having unrealistic expectations about what role your brother wants or is able to play in your life just sets you up for disappointment and hurt. It doesn't matter right now why he doesn't want to be present in your life - that's his problem to sort out on his own, in his own time, and if he chooses to sort it out at all. It's time for you to take charge of your life - build a support system around you that isn't based on such emotional attachments. You don't have to give up hoping that he will possibly someday have a change of heart, but that is not where he is right now and there is nothing you can do to force him into that change of heart. You have to be just as loving, accepting, and supportive of him and what he wants for his life as you want him to be of you and your life - even if that means he isn't present in your life right now or ever. He isn't your father, and it is unrealistic for you to expect him to fulfill that role in your life. You have to seek out others - professionals who are trained to assist you in developing the skills you need to survive and function on your own. I know this is difficult - right now, you are grieving the loss of the relationship you want to have with your brother - but grieve it you must, then let it go, and move forward with your life. And there are counselors and other professionals who can assist you in that process - and groups who can help provide support and empathy during that process. You need to develop these independent skills so that you do not have to rely on others who have their own lives and problems to deal with and cannot be present consistently. All of us have to make this kind of adjustment when we reach adulthood - relationships with our parents and siblings must change, or we remain helpless, dependent children throughout our lives. I hope my words help you see your situation from a different, more realistic perspective - and I hope you find the appropriate treatment and support you need soon. Take care of YOU.
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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