((((((((((Jacq))))))))))

It sounds to me as if that's the part of you in charge of telling you you should have known better. If so (and if it's so smart), is it able to explain to your satisfaction what you could've known and how you could've known it?

(Long story, greatly shortened): Some years ago I went through a phase where I'd had enough of being careful "on general principles." I wanted to determine to my own satisfaction how careful I actually needed to be and whether it was true that any mess I could make I could also (somehow) clean up.

I discovered, first, that there were many things well worth saying or asking that I wouldn't have dared to say or ask if I was still committed to being careful; second, that people seemed slightly less inclined than before to misunderstand me, project on me and take offense; and third, that the (very few) people who did point out that I should have known better, seemed far more interested in catching me for not knowing better than in telling me whatever it was that they needed me to know.

The second-guessing I see you doing about what you should and shouldn't have told your therapist and how she might possibly have misunderstood it, reminds me very much of that handful of critics that I ran into during my above-described "phase". It reminds me even more, though, of the "being careful" that I'd previously been doing in order to anticipate and avoid their criticisms.

I notice, by the way, that you said "if she thinks that I was intending to accuse her of doing those things..." For me at least, there's a world of difference between sharing in therapy that you're afraid that someone might do those things, and claiming that she actually had done them. From your description it sounded exactly as if she was addressing your fears, not defending herself against an accusation.

Excessively personal question, the kind I used to know better than to ever ask:
By any chance did anyone ever do those things to you and also teach you that you should know better than to ever point out that they were doing them?

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PS -- I took a break while writing the preceding and noticed after posting it that you'd been here and posted in the meantime. I tend to think that what you've realized on your own pretty much makes this redundant, but I'm going to let it stand.