i got my assignment done today. it is still a week late (even after an extension) BUT i didn't let my perfectionism get in the way again. i only let the OCD derail me for an hour or so. in fact, i handed in something really, really embarrassing, but Austin-T said he knew i had it in me and well done. i feel like bouncing off the walls - first time i've handed in something i know is absolutely half-arsed - but it feels nice to know i can do it.

AND i saw pdoc today, and i told him about honours and he went absolutely pink with pleasure, it was so cute. he kept trying not to smile while i was telling my story, and at the end he said he knows me too well that he'd guessed just from my first line. he loves that he is able to read me, he thinks it's such a cool trick. i knew he knew also, but i thought it was sweet that he tried not to smile so that i could finish my story.

i told him about my brain snap last week. that was really difficult and he was really sad . he sat with me in silence for a few moments, and it felt really heavy. but i like that he just said that they'd pushed me to that extent and he was sorry. he didnt make out that there was something wrong with me. and he also told me that this is the sort of thing that would have made me depressed for weeks, and instead i'm in a really good place right now today, so we marvelled at that for a while too.

we have decided that there is no rush, but maybe it is time for me to pick up my part time work again. my boss adores me, so she kept my position open since april when i tried to resign, and instead just asked me to take however long i needed.

i just can't believe that everything is finally finally finally coming together again. i am seeing progress with uni, and i am going to re-enter work (and maybe get a more relevant research position - fingers crossed!), and my mood isn't black, and i am seeing friends on sunday and everything just feels so good. i even went for an hour long run today(!). pdoc says i will move out when i am ready, but that it's something to celebrate that i can even get this far again. he wants me to try and keep things stable - not add too much (e.g., by moving out) until i'm functional at this level for a while longer. summer usually coincides with my blackest, bleakest depressions (every summer since i've seen pdoc has been one where we've considered ECT and/or hospitalisation) so if i can get through this summer relatively unscathed then i will be flying.

pdoc said he is happy to see me next week, but that we can just check in over the phone if i dont need a longer session. wowowowow, i am graduating from a weekly to fortnightly session again. everything just feels so good.