I have an appt with T at noon. I really don't want to go. I should not have asked for this appointment. Do you think I should cancel? I mean I always bother him. He has other things he has to do, but me, I feel I can't go without seeing him.

I've now turned to alcohol since the cutting doesn't seem to be helping as much. I just had to say that. I have been hiding it from everyone. You all are the first people that I have told. I can't get through the day without a drink. Should I tell T, no I'm told by my others, that will only get me in more trouble.

I guess life is just a down hill slide. Someday it will end. Hopefully sooner rather than later.