But, honestly... the part that pisses me off the most is that the Navy does piss tests-

OK childish, I know, but that had me laughing when the overall email wasn't so funny.
Maybe the piss tests will give you the motivation to find another way of dealing with the depression. I'm just afraid that You'll end up doing what so many folks do and end up making the depression worse from the effects of the stuff you are taking to feel better. Whew, long sentence.

Why will your folks fail at life?

Anyhoo, take care and let us know what happens.