(((((((((( M U E ))))))))) if you are feeling anxious now, and are thinking your anxiety may increase before you ever get in the door again, why not contact T now and ask for some help in dealing with that. He may be able to set your mind at rest.

for what it's worth I found that T would approach the subject so gently, over so much time, and in such small bits, that HER end of it was hardly threatening - what was damaging was MY anticipation, which was hell... don't do that to yourself - don't keep all the anxiety inside like I did. Yr T is there to help you.
PM me any time if you want SAWE