Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
I saw T yesterday. I've been really really switchy in session ever since we started talking about integration. It's like just talking about it has stirred everything up, and it sucks, and I HATE IT.
I "lost" most of my session to another part. It was my last session before T's vacation. I wanted MORE THAN ANYTHING to stay present, and grown up, and to connect with T before he left. I hate how things are going right now. I'm sure it's part of the "process" but I don't understand what the process IS and when I ask T about it, he says "you're doing it".
Now T is going to be gone, and I'm going to be left with this sad, sad, sad feeling. He'll be back next Thursday and I see him then, and won't have any way to contact him in the middle. I don't want to FEEL like this.
Ugh, I feel overwhelmed and sad and crazy and alone and confused  |
Treehouse -there is no iron clad process for integration. Everyone I have talked to that has integrated did so in different ways. some it just happened one day they were sparated and the next everyone was merged, melted, integrated into each other. others they underwent deep self hypnoisis where they imagined telling their alters ok this is it its time for us to all be one now, and others underwent hospitalization in facilities that deal directly with DID were medicated into a deep hypnotic state where the psychiatrist gave them the post hypnotic suggestions of imaging what their alters would look like, imagining meeting with them and imagining both you and the alter melting together as one. In another thread I explained to you how it happened for me.
if you want integration to happen it will happen whether or not you try to force it to happen and whether or not you keep searching for that magic wand to wave to make it happen. and whether or not people keep telling you to do it or not do it.
If you dont want it to happen no matter what therapy approach you and your therapist try, no matter what anyone tells you to do or not to do it will not happen.
"the Process" is different for everyone but there are some sumularities in everyone I talked to. We all went to therapy, In therapy we all talked with their therapists to work on our problems and as the problems were cleared up it happened.
I didnt know there was such a thing as integration until it already started to happen so I didnt have the stress that you have about trying to find a magic process to doing it.
maybe thats what you can try. pretend like you know nothing about integration, pretned you dont have to choose to integrate or not. pretend the word integration doesnt even exst. focus instead on what you have right now worry about later, later. You have you and you have your alter and you have your problems. take each problem and alter one by one,
find out what the problems are for you and just one alter and work with your therapist on ways to solve those right now problems. as each of the problems get cleared up and you learn more about you and that alter then you, your therapsit and that alter can decide if you and that one alter wants to be a team working as a whole and how you and the alter want to bring the two of you together and what you and the alter needs to do to symbolize the union of the two of you. then nove one to the next alter.
maybe too whats making integration and making the decision so hard for you is because maybe you have some alters that want integration and some that dont so you are feeling some of their indecision too. maybe by taking it one alter at a time the alters will understand that those that want to integrate can and those that dont dont have to. That might take the stress of the whole topic off of you and all the alters too.
