Thanks everyone for all your support! I guess I am just feeling kinda depressed after being sick all week. I have been isolating myself too much I think mainly because I am sick but it still is isolation.

My french class isn't going well and the big exam is this week. I am getting D's on the quizzes and studying my *** off too. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me because normally I am an A student. This memory problem is really messing me up. It just all feels so overwhelming and I just need someone friendly to complain to about it who can just say ya, it really sucks, doesn't it? It is funny that my T just told me she took French too and says she doesn't remember any of it and she is only 30yrs old.

So now I am hoping for a C in the class which is weird for me. What is really bothering me is that in order to major in Psychology or philosophy you have have 4 semesters of one language. I am thinking of changing my major because if I am struggling this much with the first class, how am I ever going to do 3 more?

I think writing my poems for creative writing is stirring things up for me and is leaving me rather emotional but of course I get like that when I am sick. But at least I am getting A's in there and in my philosophy class.

But in racquetball last week something really disturbing happened to me. T helped me with desensitizing the sound which was triggering me but last week I got hit in the nose and in the chest within the first 5 minutes and I felt off that whole hour. I even tried to serve the ball the opposite direction twice. I laughed it off by saying I was up all night studying, but that wasn't the truth. I was dissociating. When I saw my T that day she didn't want to do EMDR with me because I had a french quiz the next day. She said we would do it next week on a different day so it wouldn't interfere with my class work. But that would have been this week, and that got canceled. Maybe it is all building up or something.

I did get an email from her confirming our appointment next week, she writes, sounds good? I am laughing cause it is rather a funny thing for a T to say because It sounds like we are going out to eat or something.

Sorry for all the rambling. I guess I just need hugs and some gentle words because I just don't feel very good. I guess the fact that I am missing her means that our relationship is going well I am trusting her more, but the dependence bothers me some. I don't want to get hurt like my other T's did to me.