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Well for those of you that knew I was pregnant. I delivered the baby on 9-23-09 at Women ans Childrens Hospital of Buffalo. She weighed 5 and 1/2 pounds and is 18 inches long. Her name is Kennedy Madison and I dont know the last name because she was adopted today which leaves me to why I am feeling the way I am currently. Ya know everyone says that I am making the right decision about the open adoption but I just feel so irresponsible and so many other things as well. I never thought that I could be anymore angry with life untill today came. I cant take this anymore. I am learning that life sux and there isnt anything that I can do about it right now except to try and ignore all the feelings and emotions. I am so angry with myself, life, the world and even some people. I dont mean to sound so rude but I am even angry with the adoptive parents and they havent even done anything wrong. I hate how I am feeling and I want to just for get about the whole pregnancy. It just seems the more I try to forget the more I get angry and hate everything and everyone. Also the more I try to forget the more I think about it. I just wish that I could cut it seems like that might just be the one and only thing that will help me right now. I was not prepared for all of this, plus she was born like 5 weeks early so nothing was in place. I could so just scream right now and I swear if I hear one more baby I am going to just explode and it will so not be a good site to see. I hate myself and the world so much right now. If anyone has any suggestions or different thoughts please let me know.
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