Dear Babysteps, I know how it feels to be as you described, well, I can't know exactly how YOU feel, but but I have had the feelings you describe. Something happened, and you need to talk about it if you can. I, too, have spent hours lying and staring, but make your way to the computer and tell us something. Someone may have a start on an answer for you. You don't want to harm yourself. If this results in injury, you will just have more problems; if in death, possibly way more problems. We can't know. All we know is that we want to escape our situation, but we are here for some reason, even if it's just to learn through our experience. The world is not fair, but we are only a small part of the universe, in which everything is in balance. Please contact me, or someone you know better, before you harm yourself. Do this for me if you can't do it for yourself. I am a person, with time for you and with feelings which mirror your own. ~ billieJ I would send you a hug if I knew how to use my smilies!
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Originally Posted by Babysteps
I'm really sorry if this disappoints anyone , especially the ones that have come to know me . I really don't think I can take anymore of what my life has been dealing me . I got triggered today BIG TIME,
and it is too long of a drawn out story to even get into. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent the last 10 hours lying in bed staring at the ceiling. This has NOTHING to do with ANYBODY
here on this site , it is a personal thing . I managed to somehow walk my dog , which I do everyday NO MATTER WHAT . I met two people on my walk one lady with a dog that looked exactly like mine . She said "Sir , our dogs look like twins " . I looked at her , said NOTHING at kept on walking. I then saw a younger man who said to my dog , "Hi Bud and to me How are you ? I said NOTHING and continued home and went straight to bed . I don't even feel like crying , I feel like I have NO emotions . I haven't eaten all day and don't plan on eating anytime soon. I'm just sick of being nice , faking it . I dislike myself for being human . Not that all humans disgust me , but I'm sure some of you can relate . The biggest worry in my life right now is my dogs , but I thought it over and in reality they would probably be fine if something were to happen to me.
I was on an internet dating site and deleted that account a little while ago (just another thing to get on my nerves). Maybe I'm being selfish , but I don't think I am . I've been pretty much used and walked on ALL my life and I can't see any of that changing because of my personality. I am who I am , too late to change now.
I appreciate ALL your hugs and replies to my threads but I believe I can not or will not change , so you are wasting your kindness and
compassion on someone who doesn't deserve it . Thank you ALL for your support over the past few months , you people are amazing.
I'm not leaving , as of yet , but will not be on nearly as much as before until I can , if I can , get a grip on life in general .
I will reply with hugs when I can , but don't expect anything more.
I just don't have it in me at the moment. I will do the best I can to keep you all updated but can't promise I will be alright .
Life is just one kick in the teeth after another and I can't seem to deal with any of it ANYMORE.
Take care everyone .  
Love Babysteps. 
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