At night I feel very lonely and dejected (sad). I reflect on all my misfortunes, short comings, life that I have missed out on, how desparate I am to have loads of friends, ... lists goes on forever!

I have no one to call for comfort or support. I am just left waiting till it's time to take my night medications so the emotional pain is reduced. And then pray that I fall asleep quickly.

This is a ritual of mine. I have only recently "awakened" to how low I feel and where I am in my life. I feel desparate for affection, attention, closeness with someone, a social life, someone I can confide in and won't run away and abandon me...etc.

I feel like such a waste to society and myself.

I guess I am feeling low because I have started to look for work in jobs that I have no training in. And I am realizing that I have no choice but to work in the field of psychology and child care. All I want is a simple job that pays well (good hourly wage). With flexible hours (meaning no early mornings).

Saturday, I get my first copy of my subscription to my local city newspaper. And I will look for possible child care jobs.

I have also put the word out to a person that I volunteered for that I am looking for work with children. See what happens...

I canceled a job interview I had scheduled for Saturday at a grocery store because I am 95% sure they wouldn't hire me due to no previous experience.

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I guess it's official my brother will not even communicate with me via e-mail.

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I have to reschedule my physical appointment because my menstrual cycle keeps changing due to medications and stress.

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How do you make friends when you are naturally shy, easy going, mild mannered, and slow to warm up to new ppl and situations?

I cancelled my pottery classes because I wanted to keep my schedule free so I could be flexible for job schedules.

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Now all I feel like doing is going shopping and seeing a movie. My new friend works during the week and is busy on weekends with family, other friends, and church.

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I would do anything just to have someone in real life to talk to at anytime or to go anywhere with so I don't feel so ________ lonely and isolated. I feel like a freak of nature.