for me, because there are so many things i'm trying to manage, we really did have to decide to "begin" trauma work. a huge part of that was me finally acknowledging that i trusted pdoc enough to go there, and him reassuring me that he had the skills and competency to handle it ok and be there for me as i needed him.

he was kind enough to set up an appt 2 days following the decision, so that i didnt have to sit with it for a whole week. i was in such a state of panic when i got there - i think pdoc was genuinely surprised - and he immediately went into doctorly mode checking my pulse, making me sit, drink water etc. we spent a big chunk of that session talking about my fears about disclosing and he just kept on making it safe and safe and safe. i think i disclosed a tiny bit, towards the end, but only as much as i could manage. it was also a bit of a test - see if pdoc would still want me at the end of it.

he called me two days after, just to check in with me and make sure i would be ok for the weekend. i think i am lucky that pdoc is able to be very giving of his time, because i think we moved to twice weekly sessions and he would also call me or i would could him in between. it helped a lot with the panic, and with being reassured that pdoc still liked me.

um. i think we only did it for 3 weeks before i was like - enough! we tend to work like that - leave it until we decide another look is warranted. pdoc says we still have work to do in that area, that i'm just at the beginning, and that makes me scared about what more i have to do. but the actual experience of doing trauma work with him was so much in my control the whole time that it was ok, i know he wont let me get overwhelmed and wont force me to do something i dont want to.