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eskielover · Sep 25, 2009, 09:43 PM

((((((Blue)))))),
You are so young to have gone through such grief. I can only imagine how it must feel. I was an only child & never lost any friends or family until I was out of high school & that was my grandparents, then my Dad, then my Mom it's been 5 years since going through her cancer with her.....but they were older & it was all part of the order of life even though it was painful.

The first year after is the worst.....as we come across all the firsts & all the special points will continue to be the difficult times for years.....in some ways that is good we we keep their memory alive that way if we can focus on all the good things......for me, I struggle every fall as that is when everything with my Mother started to happen.....so from October to January is not an easy time for me, so I can understand how you are feeling for your brother. You were such a special brother to Jasper......that love is something so special to hold onto & know what love feels like & feel very lucky to have that kind of love when in so many families it's a very missing emotion.

I know what you mean about being in a group that minimizes your feelings & invalidates them. After my Mother died, I had so much anger because of her......I went to the Hospice grief group & sat there & couldn't say a word as I realized I was not filed with grief, but filled with anger. They set up an appointment one on one to talk with me & try to find other help....the worst part of that time was that my psychologist was not practicing because of back surgery & it took awhile for me to go back to a local psychologist I had gone to years before but I was feeling desperate. It is important to have the help of a T or at least a group to help express the emotions......but I think best of all is having PC here where we all care so much about you & understand you & your feelings......this is one place where we are all accepted & allowed to express our feelings & receive the understanding & support that doesn't seem to be out there in many other places.

Keep posting & expressing your feelings as you continue to go through this very difficult time in your life.......we are all here for you with

, &

& shoulders to lean on & even cry on when you feel like it.

I think this saying is probably what I have found to best describe the grief feelings I went through:
You don't get over it, you jut get through it.
You don't get by it because you can't get around it.
It doesn't get better; it just gets different.
Everyday grief puts on a new face.
Wendy Feireisen

Know you are loved & cared about,

Debbie