Is something I've always have had trouble with doing...

I started my psychotherapy group this past Thursday. It was hard. I didn't speak basically all meeting (quite unlike me). Mostly because I was afraid of being honest. Everyone was talking about their experiences, issues with family members and them taking control of their lives, people dealing with family with mental illnesses/addictions, people not sure where they were going with their lives and education...

And I was scared to admit that all of what they were saying was true of me.

So I stayed quiet. Afraid if I started talking that I'd probably cry. People noticed. It wasn't pleasant having to make up reasons why I didn't speak much. I am so afraid of criticism and judgement and I don`t know how to deal with it!!

I am also a bit sad... I havent seen my therapist in what seems like forever. While the group is running (between 8-10 weeks), my psychiatrist (one of the group leaders) doesnt want to have to see anyone for an individual meeting because of conflict of interest stuff and group privacy confidentiality stuff.

So I spent all of Thursday in a funk because of the meeting. I actually took a nap at school, missed my afternoon class because of that. And I still feel "off" and I don't like it. Whether this is depression or just "post meeting" anxiety and emoness, I'm not sure.

Why must I be so bloody sensitive about ridiculous stuff? What is my problem with speaking up in a group? Why can't I voice my emotions and junk?

Seriously, what the heck is wrong with me? I value honesty, but I can't be completely honest about simple things - like emotions and what I'm feeling/thinking? It's not that I don't feel safe (at least I think so...)

I just hope I make it through the next few meetings. I know I'll feel better eventually, but I *HATE* this feeling of being emotionally unsettled.

And I really miss my therapist. Mostly because she did help me out. And I WANT to talk to my psychiatrist, but I'm never going to tell him that (I have enough issues with men already) ... sigh.

So instead I'm talking to you all.

Anyone here ever done CBT? Does it work for you? What about group meetings? Does anyone else know how to cope with people in these sorts of artificial environments?