[quote=deliquesce;1149106]have you decided you will be having a closure session with old-T, bluemoon?[quote]
I havent decided if I will see her or not. I dont have a clear enough idea of what I would say or how I would handle the possible ways she could react. And no matter how she reacts, I will cry and cry and be more sad than I can say. Even though she was rough and mean.
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jmo, but when someone is toxic and simply not working for us, a closure session might actually hurt more than it heals. if she couldn't give you what you needed whilst you were her client, then i would doubt whether she could provide proper closure and a sense of ease about terminating also.
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That is a very strong possibility and the main reason I wouldnt go. I could leave there needing a lot of help afterward. Where would I get help? I would have to be in contact with ftt. She (desk t) might even try to give me a sense of ease, but what would make her suddenly warm and make me feel like she cares and I am always welcome back? She isnt going to turn into someone else
So, what you are saying is very true- she isnt going to provide what I want from her. I would have to go in there much stronger than I feel and understand why I am going and it doesnt much matter what she says or does. I am so not that much of a grown up to do that! What would be the point?
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i would wonder if maybe writing her a letter would be a safer option - you could express your thanks for all the things she has done for you (because, as you've mentioned, she really did help in her own way), but you would also be protecting yourself from your expectations/desires of what a closure session would be like.
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That might work. And it would protect me from horrible last memories of a closure session. If I have a horrible session, the memory of it will plague me. I am awful that way. I will then just have to get enough time away from it to fade from my memory. UGH! That does not appeal to me. A letter might be a good idea- I can tel her how I feel, but get no response from her. I also thought of a phone call. She MIGHT be better on the phone. I seriously dont think Id say as much as I would in person, but at least Id say something.
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i dont know. maybe i am projecting too much of my own experience onto this. my old-T always told me i didnt have to return if i didnt want to, and that he had other clients he could see instead, so when i finally did tell him i was not returning he just looked surprised and said that was my choice and good luck.
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OUCH! That sounds very painful. Like, OK, bye, you were just one face in a sea of faces in my office, good luck. If it were me, Id be very upset about that and it would be on my mind for a long time.
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i have cried about him many times since, and i think i do need a closure of sorts. but i will probably bring it up with my new T (austin!) because i just dont think old-T could provide what i needed from him - some sort of emotional connection and acknowledgement of what we did achieve together.
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I can imagine how sad and hurt you must have felt. So painfully hurt. Dismissed as if you didnt matter. And then you dont see him again. I can imagine how you cried and cried. I want to cry just reading about it. When I feel that sad about someting like this,I get a feeling like there is a hole in my chest and it hurts so badly.
Leaving your our old-t sounds very similar to what is going on now with desk t. The emotonal connection is barely there- for me it is big, for her, it is either not there, or she wont show it to me. I need it from her, but she isnt giving it. I am glad you are talking about it with austin-t. What else can you do? Is he helpful with it? What did he say or tell you to do? Did you (Im sure you did) bring it up with pdoc?