Is something I've always have had trouble with doing...

I started my psychotherapy group this past Thursday. It was hard. I didn't speak basically all meeting (quite unlike me). Mostly because I was afraid of being honest. Everyone was talking about their experiences, issues with family members and them taking control of their lives, people dealing with family with mental illnesses/addictions, people not sure where they were going with their lives and education...

And I was scared to admit that all of what they were saying was true of me.

some people can speak up straight away, others need to ease into a group - dont judge yourself that doesnt help - speak when you can - say to yourself maybe - next time i go there i will tell .......... and then make sure you do - but if it turns out you cant dont beat yourself up again - just say ok i tried - but next week i will do it - and you will get there - once tyou start speaking it will become easier (well a bit )

So I stayed quiet. Afraid if I started talking that I'd probably cry. People noticed. It wasn't pleasant having to make up reasons why I didn't speak much. I am so afraid of criticism and judgement and I don`t know how to deal with it!!

the insecurity demon lurks wihtin most of us - the thing to say (for me) is that ok if i severlyey stuff this up an they think ij a complete winmp or idiot - well then thats their opinin and i know it was because i was soooo nervous and afraid - i will not die if they think ill if me (although sometimes it feels like you will ) i will survive - they are jst people (oh and the imagining them in their underwear thing - didnt work for me - meant i just had to keep my eyes closed lol)

I am also a bit sad... I havent seen my therapist in what seems like forever. While the group is running (between 8-10 weeks), my psychiatrist (one of the group leaders) doesnt want to have to see anyone for an individual meeting because of conflict of interest stuff and group privacy confidentiality stuff.

that is so sad christina and you have every right to feel sad about that...do you have a T you can talk to ? if not then use us - we will listen and help if we can ok ( and our rates are very resonable - the occassional hug bac is all we ask)

So I spent all of Thursday in a funk because of the meeting. I actually took a nap at school, missed my afternoon class because of that. And I still feel "off" and I don't like it. Whether this is depression or just "post meeting" anxiety and emoness, I'm not sure.

i think its prob beating yourself upness - jmo - one of my T's favourite sayings is - it is what it is - he tells me you do the best you can with what you have at the time and that is all that can abe asked of you - and thats what you did - so be a little kinder to yourself ok

Why must I be so bloody sensitive about ridiculous stuff? What is my problem with speaking up in a group? Why can't I voice my emotions and junk?

emmm I have the answer on the tip of my tongue.... its.....oh yes - YOU'RE HUMAN!!! and this stuff isnt easy - some people can lay it all on the line - others cant - others take time to warm up to the group - you are doing such hard work adn i dont see you giving yourself any credit

Seriously, what the heck is wrong with me? I value honesty, but I can't be completely honest about simple things - like emotions and what I'm feeling/thinking? It's not that I don't feel safe (at least I think so...)

emotions/feelings/thoughts are never simple - they are complex issues and have roots often bathed in darkness - no wonder we dont want to share them in the bright light - how many peopple here have trouble even writing their questions out and this is a website - no-one can see you here....... you are in a group of people all wiht 2 eyes that look at you and instant feedback vocally - this is really hard stuff and you are trying - again dont be so hard on yourself ok

I just hope I make it through the next few meetings. I know I'll feel better eventually, but I *HATE* this feeling of being emotionally unsettled.

things will settle - but it takes that dreadful T word - TIME - and this stuff tends to stir up the emotions and the insecurities.....sorry

And I really miss my therapist. Mostly because she did help me out. And I WANT to talk to my psychiatrist, but I'm never going to tell him that (I have enough issues with men already) ... sigh.

wheres your T gone? ive been away for a while so forgive me if youve mentioned it already. can you get another T???

So instead I'm talking to you all.

yay for reaching out - yay for you

Anyone here ever done CBT? Does it work for you? What about group meetings? Does anyone else know how to cope with people in these sorts of artificial environments?