Hi Elysium. I looked at the links. It seemed difficult to even read it. And when I was reading your post about trauma and ego states I was feeling like this is too hard. How am I going to do this? I worked some on trauma with my previous t, but I didnt go into too much detail, and some things I couldnt say so I just wrote things down for her to read. She wasnt a trauma therapist and didnt have training in what to do with me. Im in the process of leaving her. But the thought of talking about this with someone new is scary. It seems impossible.

My new t did say something about doing "grounding techniques" in the next session.

Even when I think of more adaptive coping skills it scares me. Maybe I am feeling like I want to hold onto my coping strategy. I want to "leave" if I need to. I want to get better and be present, but I am afraid of healing and doing what I have to do to heal. I guess I can say that to my t. I hope she can be patient with me.

YES! It does cause more stress to hold back leaving. And often I dont know it beforehand. Its a lot of effort to be always watching myself for it. I probably have to go really slow.

I have a question. Something triggered me (it was the sound of a leaf blower outside my house). I know it was a trigger but if I mention it to my t I also want to say I dont really want to get into why it is a trigger. It isnt that I know why because I dont. I am afraid of my feelings or being overwhelmed by memories or something. Not sure.

Thanks for your help!