First - safe hugs to YOU. You share a lot about your mom and the actual situation, but not much about how it makes you hurt inside. Angry - yes that too. But what happened also caused you pain.

It sounds like you have been through enough pain in life as it is. Maybe it is time to emotionally step back just a small bit to allow yourself some space for emotional health? Comming from what I call a "dramatic" family - where things tend to be blown out of logical proportion and people cut each other off and say hurtful things and then make up - a roller coaster ride - I can deeply understand how frustrated you feel. You do love your mom and it does hurt to see her in pain. And if you are empathic at all, they you pick up on that pain even more than others might. Here are a few pointers I use in my own life to help with these events:

1) People are people. They are going to hurt each other in words and deeds from time to time. And they are all learning and growing. We can't "fix" most problems with our families. Life is going to continue from one day to the next. Tears and anger may be a part of the life lessons each has to face. Accept the reality of the situation with a mentally healthy detatchment.

2) It is your right to be / stay healthy. So emotionally distancing yourself does not mean you do not love them. It just means you are allowing them space to handle life and learn from whatever is going on. If they are upsetting you, it is your right to leave the room for a while if needed. In my situation, I have learned to just hold the phone away from my ear while my dad rants about the latest drama. His voice is always a different tone when he rants like that, so I know when he is done and can resume the normal part of conversation. In person, I have changed the topic totally when needed. It is our right to stay sane.

Hope this helps.
Wendi