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Sep 26, 2009, 10:02 AM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Buffalo
Posts: 29
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How do I know what is normal? Is being severly depressed already normal? For those of you who dont know my situation I will give a little bit of whats going on.
I got pregnant in January of 2009 and had to come off of my mood stabilizer (lithium). So during the pregnancy I started to become extremely depressed and had to do ECT treatments which worked really really well thankfully. So because of my Epilepsy, Chrons Disease, and Major Depressive Disorder I choose to do an open adoption. I am NOT stupid and I know that I couldnt raise a child on my own with little to no support. Well I went in to labor 5 weeks early so NOTHING was in place as far as what anti-depressants to put me on and all that good stuff. So now on Monday I am being transfered to ECMC to figure out what the best treatment will be for me. I did the open adoption because I love my daughter more than anything in the world. So yesterday I surrendered my rights to be her mother so she can go to the parents that I choose with the adoption agency. I am being given Valium 5mgs q8 hours as needed to help keep me stable. It is helping but at the same time I feel so numb when taking the Valium and cannot feel anything. But I feel so outta control when I dont take it. What should I do? Is it wrong to be taking the Valium or is it the right the decision? I really dont know.
So I am angry with myself and hate myself because I got pregnant and cannot even take responsiblity for getting pregnant. I am sad because when I would talk to Kennedy (my daughter) I would tell her that I love her so much and she would open her eyes and smile at me. But I also feel hopeless and helpless and I really dont think that I have the right to be feeling this way. I just do not know what feelings are normal and what feelings arent normal.
IF ANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION OR EVEN KNOWS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THIS SITUATION PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE. ANY TYPE OF ADVICE RIGHT NOW WOULD BE GREAT AND HELPFUL.
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